She's Not Me
by EmeraldEuphoria
Summary: Spencer knew she should've kept her mouth shut, but she didn't and now she was facing the repercussions.


**A/N: This was inspired by a post on Tumblr, anyone who's interested in seeing it, PM me :)  
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**The blog who posted it is incredible! They have amazing stuff! I'm giving them a shoutout here :P **

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She knew she shouldn't have said anything; it was really idiotic of her. She just couldn't take it any longer; she loved her. Nobody knew, not even A and that made Spencer feel a little proud. But the feeling turned to pain the second she remembered that her and Emily weren't on speaking terms, all because of her.

She really thought Emily would reciprocate; apparently not.

It wasn't like she'd planned to tell her, she wasn't that stupid. But Emily was so angry and Spencer was so hurt that it just came out...

_Every teenager in Rosewood was gathered at Noel Kahn's cabin, for a bonfire. Hanna and Aria were somewhere in the cabin, moping. While Spencer was outside glaring at Emily and Paige; she was annoyed that Emily had forgiven the girl who tried to drown her, who does that? Emily apparently._

_Paige caught her eyes after a few minutes, and glared back, but Spencer didn't back off; she was angry, you never mess with an angry Hastings. Paige broke the stare-off and said something to Emily that made the tanned girl sigh and turn around, walking towards Spencer._

_Emily didn't say anything, she just grabbed Spencer's arm and dragged her into the woods._

_When they were far enough to only hear a whisper of the music that was playing, Emily stopped them, "Do you have anything to say?"_

_Spencer crossed her arms, "Like what exactly?"_

_"Like why you're glaring at my girlfriend?" asked Emily peevishly. And she'd have to be blind not to notice Spencer wince at the word girlfriend._

_Spencer swallowed thickly, "Oh, I don't know, it could be that she tried to drown you!"_

_Emily threw her hands up in frustration, "She didn't try to drown me, Spencer. Besides, she was going through hell back then!"_

_"Oh, of course," Spencer started, sardonically, "She was going through a lot. The same could be said for A, you know, that so does not make it okay."_

_Emily took a deep breath, "Spencer, I am dating Paige, not you, it's my choice, why are you still going on about this?"_

_"You're my best friend..." Spencer was cut off by Emily rolling her eyes and chuckling._

_"Right, that's not it," she said flippantly, "What is your problem with Paige?"_

_Spencer could feel it coming, word vomit, she tried to stop it, she didn't want to say it, but it came out nonetheless, "She's not me!"_

_Everything stopped. Spencer couldn't hear anything but her labored breathing. She'd messed up. Big time._

_"Emily, I..."_

_Emily stopped her, "I think I should go now," she said, before slowly walking away._

_Spencer didn't like to cry, she only ever cried a handful of times, but as she watched Emily walk away from her, she couldn't keep the tears at bay._

Spencer wiped the tears that leaked from her eyes at the memory. That had been a little over two weeks ago, and Emily hadn't uttered a word to her since.

Spencer looked at the phone in her hand; she'd called Emily too many times to count and Emily never picked up.

She dialed the familiar number and waited,_ "Hi. This is Emily Fields, I'm not able to answer right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you. Bye!"_ Spencer could hear the smile in her voice and it just made her bite her lip to stop anymore tears from flowing.

"Hi, Emily..." she started, "I've been thinking and... I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry," she was choking back sobs, "It's been two weeks, Em, this isn't like us... And I don't care that you're with her as long as you're happy," she wiped a few tears before whispering, "I miss you..."

Spencer hung up and curled up on her bed, praying, hoping, that Emily would forgive her.

* * *

Paige was a lot of things, but ignorant wasn't one of them; she knew the second her girlfriend came back from her talk with Spencer at the bonfire that something was wrong. Emily had smiled and politely asked to go home, but her eyes told a very different story. And Paige would usually ask, she'd want to help; but she was scared.

Paige also wasn't blind; she saw the way Spencer and Emily looked at each other, it was obvious to anyone who payed attention; the two really, really loved each other.

Paige knew Emily would never cheat on her and she knew Emily loved her, but she could never compete with Spencer Hastings...

The last two weeks, Paige had been pretending that nothing was wrong, that she couldn't see the confusion and the sadness in her girlfriend's eyes, that she couldn't see the pain and sorrow in Spencer's. She didn't want to lose Emily, she couldn't. But when Paige really thought about it, she'd lost Emily two weeks ago, at the bonfire, if not way before that.

And she couldn't handle seeing Emily so damn sad, it wasn't right; someone like Emily should never be anything but happy.

Paige knocked on the Fields' front door, smiling when Pam answered.

"Hi, Mrs Fields,"

Pam smiled, though Paige could tell it was a little forced, "Paige, come in, Emily's in her room,"

Paige nodded and headed upstairs, mentally preparing herself before entering her girlfriend's bedroom.

Emily was crying, that was the first thing that Paige noticed, Emily was crying and staring at the phone in her hands.

"Em..."

Emily let out a choked sob, "I'm sorry..."

Paige had lost, and she wasn't really all that surprised. What surprised her was how much it hurt; she'd thought she'd prepared herself for this, but apparently not. She guessed there could be worse people to lose to; Spencer really loved Emily, she'd take care of her. And Paige had noticed that Emily was happiest when Spencer was around; that was made perfectly clear the last two weeks which were full of miserable Emily.

Paige smiled softly, sadly, and sat down next to Emily on the bed, pulling her into a hug, "It's okay, don't cry."

"I'm sorry," Emily mumbled, still crying, "I'm really sorry..."

Paige closed her eyes, chanting "she's not happy, she's not happy" in her mind, and even though she really wanted to change the subject and continue pretending everything was okay, she couldn't, "Why are you sorry?"

Emily took a while to answer, she was trying to calm herself down, taking deep breaths, "I want her but I don't want to hurt you..."

Paige's heart clenched, "You won't... If she makes you happy, then I'll be fine," she ran her hands over her soon to be ex-girlfriend's arms, "It's okay really, she's good competition," Paige chuckled softly.

Emily shook her head, "You never had competition, it's just..."

"I get it," Paige said, "She didn't either," smiling, Paige separated herself from Emily, "Now, what are you gonna do?"

Emily looked down at her phone, "I need to talk to her..."

"It's still early," Paige supplied, "Go."

Emily looked at Paige with wonder, softness, love -just not the kind Paige wished for- and happiness, "You're amazing, Paige," she smiled, "You won't be single for long."

"I know I'm a catch," Paige joked, she really just wanted Emily to go already, not because she wanted her away, but because she didn't know how long she could stay calm, "Now, go get your girl."

Emily smiled, put her shoes on, and with a parting smile, she left.

Paige stood up and looked around Emily's room, she really loved her.

She came across Pam Fields while leaving, and she chuckled inwardly; Emily's mom never treated her like she treated Spencer, with Spencer it was as if she considered her her daughter, but Pam always acted so forced and stiff around Paige. Paige chuckled, self-deprecatingly; Pam finally got rid of her.

"Paige," Mrs Fields looked worried, "Where did Emily go? She ran out of here without an explanation."

Paige sighed, she really just wanted to leave, "She needed to see Spencer; they've been fighting and she wanted to apologize," she walked slowly towards the door, "Don't worry Mrs Fields, Emily'll call you once everything's settled. Now, I've really gotta go..."

Mrs Fields nodded, "Alright, dear, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

* * *

Emily felt happy, excited, nervous, anxious and many other things. She was almost to Spencer's and she couldn't wait to talk to her.

She was extremely grateful for Paige's support, she didn't think she'd be able to take disappointment from her, but Paige was nothing less than supportive.

Emily had tried to clear her head of everything that was making it hard for her to think; she didn't know what was wrong. Emily knew she was in love with Spencer, and to find out that Spencer was jealous of Paige shocked Emily; she wasn't expecting Spencer to even remotely like her in that sense, and she couldn't believe she did.

She didn't know what made her avoid Spencer the past two weeks, but she couldn't think clear enough to know what to do; she had Paige and she didn't want to hurt her, contrary to popular belief, Paige was a sweetheart and that showed in her actions tonight. Emily pretended she didn't, but she noticed the pain and sadness in Paige, and still, Paige had helped her...

What finally broke Emily, and knocked the sense back into her, was Spencer's last voice mail. Spencer had been leaving voice mails almost everyday, but the last message was so heartfelt, and to hear Spencer choke back tears was a little too difficult. Spencer said she'd missed her, that made Emily realize just how much she needed Spencer, how much she couldn't take being apart from her. And that is why she's doing this.

Emily parked in front of the Hastings' house and turned the engine off.

She stayed in the car for a good ten minutes before she gathered the courage to step out and ring the doorbell.

She waited anxiously, she just hoped Spencer would be kind and understanding and not angry.

The door opened and Emily's heart broke into a million tiny pieces; Spencer's eyes were swollen, her lips were red from her biting them -that was a Spencer thing, she'd bite her lips whenever she cried to hold back sobs, and Emily always hated that; that Spencer didn't want anyone to know how broken she was sometimes, that she wanted to be quiet so no one heard her- and tear tracks were visible on her cheeks. Emily never hated herself as much as she did at that moment.

"Spence..."

Spencer's eyes watered and her bottom lip quivered. Emily saw her bite her lip and she immediately reached for her best friend, the girl she was in love with, and held her tightly, "I'm so, so, so sorry, Spence, I'm sorry," Emily kept repeating how sorry she was, all the while maneuvering them to the couch.

Spencer was quietly crying and Emily didn't like that; it was obvious that Spencer was hurt, and sad, and even though it was all Emily's fault, Emily wanted Spencer to let it all out, she didn't want her to hold anything back.

"I'm here, sweetie," Emily mumbled on Spencer's temple, "Let everything out, it's okay, it's just me,"

Even though Emily said that and meant it, hearing Spencer sobbing was too hard, way too hard, and it hurt even more to know it was because of Emily; if she'd just manned up and confessed, none of this would be happening.

She didn't want Paige to get hurt, but the truth is, someone always gets hurt and if Emily was being honest with herself, no matter how bad she felt thinking it, she'd rather Paige hurt than Spencer, and Emily knew how cruel and terrible it was for her to think that, but she never wanted Spencer to cry, no matter what.

"I'm sorry," Emily's thoughts were interrupted by the barely heard mumble, "I didn't mean to make you mad," Emily didn't want Spencer thinking she was at fault here.

"You didn't," she said, soothingly, threading her fingers in Spencer's hair, "I wasn't mad, and it wasn't your fault," she licked her lips, thinking of how best to explain something that she herself didn't understand, "I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know what to think and I didn't want to hurt Paige..."

Emily's eyes watered when she heard the whispered, "But you hurt me..."

"I know," Emily swallowed thickly, "I never wanted that to happen," she gently pushed Spencer back, to make her look at her, "Spencer, I love you, you need to know that,"

Spencer nodded, "Just not the way I love you, I get it," Spencer had her bottom lip between her teeth, biting it, and Emily really just hated that.

Emily took Spencer's chin in her hand, and used her thumb to ease her lip from the hold her teeth had on it, "No, I do love you, the way you love me; much more that as friends," Emily smiled at Spencer's wide-eyed expression.

"You don't have to say that," Spencer shook her head.

Spencer was supposed to be strong, confident and cocky, not vulnerable, anxious and scared like she was right now, and Emily wanted to go back in time and fix this, "I don't have to, but I want to. And I'm not lying. Spencer, I'm in love with you."

Spencer searched Emily's eyes, and Emily let her take her time, she knew her friend needed this, so she let her.

Finally, Spencer's eyes flitted to Emily's lips and Emily smiled, "Spencer," she looked into her eyes, "Can I kiss you, please?"

Spencer chuckled, and even though it sounded broken, Emily's smile grew bigger, "Yes, you can," Spencer allowed.

"Thank you," Emily said cheekily. Then she leaned forward, placed her hands on Spencer's cheeks, wiping the stray tears there, and kissed her right cheek, tasting the tears, then her left, whispering "I love you" with each press of her lips, she kissed Spencer's nose and her forehead before she ghosted her lips on Spencer's, "I never meant to hurt you,"

Spencer nodded, "I know,"

Their lips were a breath away from each other and both just took in the comfort this position had, before Spencer closed the little remaining space between them.

Summer; that's what Emily felt. The feeling she got from the lovely heat of the sun's rays, the warmth of the grass, the feeling of happiness she got when she swam out in the ocean, not in the pool. Summer was Emily's favorite season. It was beautiful. It was comforting, happy, filled with smiles and laughs and an outstanding feeling that Emily couldn't describe.

She was just really, really happy.

Have you ever just sat there smiling like a dork, feeling calm and relieved and thankful for everything you had, and you couldn't pinpoint the exact reason, you were just happy? That's what Emily was experiencing.

She was waiting for fireworks, for stars to burst behind her eyelids, but she knew they weren't coming; her relationship with Spencer was like Summer, it wasn't fireworks and Emily was glad for that; Fireworks lasted for a minute or so, before they disappeared, Emily knew her love for Spencer would never be over, would never stop and vanish, it would always be there, so Emily didn't want to feel fireworks, she was happy as is.

They pulled back, still embracing each other, "Why did you avoid me?" asked Spencer.

"Because I was an idiot," Emily replied, guilt evident in her voice and in her eyes, "I thought avoiding you would make everything better... I didn't want to hurt anybody, but I hurt you and I just..." Emily smiled sadly, "I'm sorry, I really have no explanation, but I'm really sorry."

Spencer smiled and pecked Emily on her lips, "Apology accepted," she couldn't resist pulling Emily in for a kiss, running her tongue on Emily's bottom lip, asking for entrance that was granted.

Emily loved kissing Spencer. Spencer kissed like she did everything else; perfectly. She applied just the right pressure, just the right amount of teeth, tugging on Emily's lip lightly - It was just perfect and Emily didn't ever want to stop.

"Spence," Emily mumbled, lips grazing Spencer's, "I love you, so much."

Spencer smiled, enjoying the feel of their lips barely touching, "I love you too, you don't even know."

That's how the two girls spent their night, kissing, exchanging "I love you"s, and when Mrs Fields called, Emily told her she was sleeping over.

They slept cuddled together, and Emily vowed to make up for all the hurt she'd caused Spencer.

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**I hope you enjoyed this. It is complete, so don't ask for a sequel unless you have a certain prompt :)**

**Also, I beta my stuff myself, so if there are any mistakes, it's my fault, I apologize, but I must've missed it. Tell me if you find any mistakes and I'll fix them.**

**Cheers.**


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